THE CHRISTMAS MORON                                                                                                         Andy Hollifield 12-22-17

Isaiah 9:2 The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Matthew 1:23 Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

Luke 2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

As I tried to decide what to write today, a thought came to me about the spirit of Christmas. It is officially crunch time. The time when procrastinators like me, go fight the crowds of other procrastinators to buy the gifts we should have bought months ago. Three days before Christmas and I have encountered more people driving without thinking and I have used the term ‘moron’ more in 1 day than I would typically say it in a month. You may have just laughed a little but that is why I am writing about Christmas spirit. I am definitely lacking it when I am driving and the quantity of moronic behavior dramatically increases this time of year. Go ahead and be honest with yourself, I am not the only one am I? You might as well admit it, you aren’t super spiritual in traffic either are you? Nobody may have heard those things you were muttering when you were sitting through red lights half a dozen times and the friendly neighborhood morons were passing in the right lane and trying to cut you off to get back in the left. God knows so you might as well ‘fess up.

I really did set out to write something deep and profound and inspirational; you know, kind of like a Hallmark movie. Buuuut, I don’t think it’s going to happen quite that way. I did give you some good verses to get you in the “proper” Christmas spirit though. We might as well get down to where the rubber meets the road and tell the truth. You have already griped about something this year pertaining to Christmas. You may not have been Scrooge on steroids but you have already demonstrated that same lack of patience I have. Yeah, I have already stood there quietly huffing and puffing because out of 500 registers at Wal-Mart only 4 are open. By the way, I still have yet to see the smiley little girl at Wal-mart putting on her best Mary Poppins act and directing me to the shortest line. Here’s a thought; if they are paying someone to do that, why not shorten all the lines a little and let her open a register? I can find the line with only 11 people ahead of me rather than the 14 in the other lines. Now, I know you are laughing because you have been looking for her too haven’t you? You have also wondered the same thing as me. Why did they install the other 496 registers if they are only going to use 4? Of course I am thinking all of this while I am standing in their line waiting to give them money. They could at least put up a sign like at the amusement parks that says: “30 minute wait from this point.” At least then you would know what to expect. But, do you know what they are doing in the security office? They are sitting there watching me on camera stand in that long line and saying amongst themselves; “What a moron!” I am not just trying to pick on Walmart because I know the others are probably about as bad. Then when you leave there you stop by Mickey D’s to run through the drive through real quick; Wroooong! You join the 15 other cars in those two lines to wait while some moron gets to the window and changes his order. It’s either that or your having to watch your fenders because someone is apt to nail you just trying to get to the window so they can sit there and wait right in front of you. Yeah, I thought that would sound familiar. Then you figure you might as well run by Ingles right quick and pick up a few things. Noooope, not happening today! You might go by but it won’t be real quick. This year will be even worse because there is supposed to be a 40 % chance of snow on Christmas Day. Everyone will be rushing in to get their milk and bread to make those delicious milk sammiches. Oh yeah, that gotta have gift; forget it! If they gotta have it you should have got it weeks ago cause you sure won’t get it now!

Also, while it’s on my mind; for all you morons that can’t seem to find the buggy rack when you’re done; they are nice enough to buy it for you to use: PUT THE THING BACK! I bet you could find the rack if it was your car that it was going to slam into! And don’t park on the line in your space. It makes it hard for us fat people to get out of our vehicles.

Well there you have it. This proves that any one of us can be the Christmas moron at the drop of a hat. It’s not really that bad. I just kind of figured that most of us probably needed a good laugh about now with all of the stress and drama we are enduring. I have exposed myself and a lot of you all right along with me. Just suck it up buttercup and don’t be the Christmas moron. It will all be back to normal in a few days and then we will have that morning after effect and be moping around like our dog died because it will be a whole nother year before we get to do it again. Since you have probably found yourself somewhere in this: you don’t really have to admit it. But if you chuckled a bit because it sounded familiar, I have got a verse or 2 to help you. One is Proverbs 15:13 “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance….” and in Proverbs 17:22 it says “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine…” So now you’ve got a smile on your face and you’ve chuckled a bit just knowing that most everyone else is just like you. So just relax and enjoy Christmas. And the next time one of those thoughts I mentioned crosses your mind; you can just get a kick out of it and make the most of a bad situation. Maybe tomorrow we will get back to something of a more serious nature. Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!

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